Western Men with Korean Women

I read this article on the Chosun Ilbo:

We know that Korean-American Alice Kim (Korean name: Kim Yong-gyeong) willmarry Hollywood star Nicolas Cage in June. Kim’s uncle, an executive at a creditagency, said in an interview with a Korean daily paper that, “I understand thatAlice Kim and Nicolas Cage will marry in June.” This marriage may be postponed,however; Cage is leaving for Africa in July to shoot his new film, “Lord ofWar.”

Why are American film stars into Korean women? Kenny, an executive at a LA Koreatown broadcasting company, said in an interview with a Korean broadcaster that, “Korean women are submissive and kind. They are known to make breakfast, lunch and dinner for their husbands, help their husbands well, andraise children well." There are also those who feel that in the eyes of Westernmen, East Asian women possess a sort of mysteriousness about them. They say that one can grow fond of the unknown “Orient."

24-year-old James Cecil, an Americanliving in Korea, said, “Even Korean women who are not though of as pretty byKorean men can give a sense of mystery to Western men.” 29-year-old English teacher Mike Conforty said, “Korean women are gentle, feminine and quiet. Ithink Korean women are the prettiest of all East Asian women.”Western men also seem to find the purity and conservativeness of Korean women attractive.

25-year-old USFK soldier Blake Selesnew said, “American women are too materialistic, but Korean women aren’t. They seem less snobby.” KoreaUniversity English instructor Zane Ivy said, “Korean women are conservative.They are conscience of what people around them think, depend on their familiesand parents and are submissive.”

Before Alice Kim and Nicolas Cage, other Hollywood couples with Koreanwomen included Wesley Snipes and Nikki Park and Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn.Less well known was “About Schmidt” director Alexander Payne’s marriage lastyear to Korean-Canadian actress Sandra Oh. Meanwhile, Woody Allen attended aliterature event last October in Frankfurt, Germany and said he would write anautobiography containing the story of how he split from long-time lover MiaFarrow and fell in love and married Farrow’s adopted daughter Soon-YiPrevin.

“Korean women are submissive and kind. They are known to make breakfast, lunch and dinner for their husbands, help their husbands well, andraise children well."

First of all, I question the character of any men who prefers submissive woman. Whatever happened to the modern "women are equal" concept? Yes, we are different to men, but we are also human, and have grey matter between our ears generally known as a "brain". Surely a man who truely loves a woman will want not only to understand her heart, but respect it? Why would any decent man want his woman to be submissive all the time? The occassional submissiveness is natural, but surely it would frustrate a man for his woman to look down at the floor and whisper "yes..." to his every wish or command? I (and all of the Western woman I know) like a strong man to take the lead sometimes, as we like the reassurance that they are indeed man who likes to take care us...but only sometimes. There will be times when his ideas might be impractical and unrealistic, or he may be down-right rude, inconsiderate and disrespectful. In the former case, as a Western woman, I will put forward my own ideas, and in the latter I will not put with disrespect. Here in Korea, the women seem willing to put up with anything, and are very miserable as a result. I refuse to be miserable.

However, I read somewhere that Korea has the one of the highest divorce rates in the world, even higher than that of UK and US. Perhaps then, Korean women are now making a stand. In fact, there has been a number of times where I have seen girls of the "new generation" getting incredibly stroppy in public with their boyfriend over something petty. So in reality, are Korean women that submissive? I am not so sure. Maybe the girl throws a wobbly then eventually gives in. Who knows.

Nonetheless, the submissive Korean women with the chauvanistic Western men...well they are welcome to them (not all western men want a Korean woman for her submissiveness). They are doing us Western woman a favour: they are taking these idiots out of the dating pool, leaving the more decent ones available.

Secondly, we western woman also know how look after our husbands and children well. However, from my observations, it seems that even in Korea women are now feeling the pressure to go to work and be a full-time mother simultaneously, resulting in children who are spoiled and husbands who are disastisfied. I too would like to take good care of my husband and children, but unfortunately the current state of the housing market in the UK indicates that I would have no choice but to provide a second income, just to keep a roof over our heads and food in our mouths. Also, being a western woman, if I work full-time, I expect help with housework. Why? Because I believe that both parenting and chores should be shared equally...because the household is run more effeciently that way.

Thirdly, when treated with respect ie no bullying, no violence, and consideration of our feelings and opinions, we Western women can be just as kind. In the past, I have always been very kind to my boyfriends...there was very little I would not do for them. However after many incidences of dreadful behaviour from the boyfriend, the kindness stops and the stroppiness sets in. Think about it...why would anyone with half a brain continue to be kind eg to someone who is perpetually rude without provocation?

There are also those who feel that in the eyes of Westernmen, East Asian women possess a sort of mysteriousness about them. They say that one can grow fond of the unknown “Orient."

I can empathise with this. However, after a few years together, the Korean woman will probably fall off the pedestal that the Western man has placed her on, for her boyfriend to find that she is only human, she has flaws, and truely, she is just as mysterious (or not ) as a Western woman. Korean men also have the same attitude to towards Western women; we are a mystery, but get an awful shock when they find that the woman they are dating will not put up with disrespect, or feel deep disappointment when they realise that deep down inside, we are exactly the same as a Korean woman, thus dispelling the mystery.

Korean women are gentle, feminine and quiet.

Gentle? Really? How about the very-public temper tantrums? And my teenage students' loud-mouthed behaviour? Many Western woman can be gentle and feminine, don't dismiss us so lightly. Quiet...well, I have a brain, and I like to use the vocal chords that nature provided me to voice what is on my mind. And why shouldn't I? But I also have my quiet moments. I am sure that most other Western women do to. I am very comfortable with silence, and being silent (I am not just refering to my voice, but my behaviour)....it is good for the soul.

“American women are too materialistic, but Korean women aren’t. They seem less snobby.

I cannot account for American woman. But it seems that Korean girls can be VERY materialistic, even more so than the average British girl. Koreans by nature are concerned with keeping up with appearances, they must have the latest mobile, clothes and so forth, even if they cannot afford it. This is also true in the UK, but far more apparent here in Korea. Also, due to the culture, a Korean woman, almost without exception, will think carefully about the state of a man's finances/his status/job before marrying him. Most Western women will put LOVE above all of these things.

Korean women are conservative.They are conscience of what people around them think, depend on their familiesand parents and are submissive

As western women get older, they also become more conservative. Personally, I have always been more conservative than the women I have met and known back in the UK. Also, I have noticed that when a Korean man wants sex with a Korean woman, she will feign reluctance, and may even claim inexperience/virginity. Yet I have been told by countless Koreans themselves that this behaviour and claims in at least 50% of cases are lies. The women are just as keen to have casual sex as the men, they just behave this way so they are not perceived as a slut. And the amusing thing is, men (both Korean and Western) believe them. Sex is still a very taboo issue in Korea (despite porn on normal TV channels and Motels set up specifically for this usage), and so what people claim about themselves and what actually goes on are two completely different things.

Is it really altogether healthy to be concerned about what other people think all the time? Westerners also have this concern, but we know when to draw the line. In fact, Korea has one of the highest suicide rates in the world due to excessive concern of the opinion of others and the immense pressure to achieve in every area of life. Also, as stated in a previous blog, it seems the excessive dependence on others is detrimental to the emotional growth of the individual.

In my honest opinion, the Western man's (and Korean man's) concept of the average Korean woman is complete codswallop, not helped by some Korean womens' amazing ability to feign exactly what a man wants in a woman...in order to benefit from his healthy pay packet. Of course, not all Korean woman are like this. Just like western women, it all depends on the individual, and it is unfair to generalise.